girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
