I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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