I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize