New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
