I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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