so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
