As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize