need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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