Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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