Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
