dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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