dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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