I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
