If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
