Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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