Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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