I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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