We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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