dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
