His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
