his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
