Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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