Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
