they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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