I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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