It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
