if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
