I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
True college students do jello shots in the library
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