I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
