Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
