Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just googled if crying burns calories
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
