My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
