dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
