He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
