Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
