winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
