I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
