I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
