I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
