Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize