I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
