If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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