Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
