i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize