i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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