roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
