the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
