Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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