NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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