dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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