A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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