I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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