Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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