Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize