I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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