yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
