I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
