we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
