Quick, to the slutcave!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize