I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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