Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
