So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
