I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
