btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
