I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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