I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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