I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
