If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
