I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
