dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just crazy horny about you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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