What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
