i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
