I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
