So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
