please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
