...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
