I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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