last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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