just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
