weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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