dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
