There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
