she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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