somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
