its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
