It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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