hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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