she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
