I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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