If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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