Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
