Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
