that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drake has all the answers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
