Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
