Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
