when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
