Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
