he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
