She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
