I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
