Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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