just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize