Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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